Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Essex Style

Daniel got his haircut this weekend.

This was his second hair cut since us moving here.

For his first one, he went to Tony & Guys. Not that Daniel is metro by ANY means, but he doesn't mind shelling out a bit for a nice hair cut. However, his first one was to the equivalent of about $110, and even he couldn't justify paying that much for a trim.

For the next one, I recommended that he go to the cheapo place by our flat. They did a great job on my hair, and for guys it's only about $35. Way better deal!

So, here is his hilarious recount of the experience, retold by me. Unfortunately, he wouldn't allow for me to take pictures, so the story will have to be recreated thanks to google images.

He goes in for his appointment with an Afgani man sporting a coiffed perm, skinny jeans, and a gut hanging out over the pants. He is basically Daniel's polar opposite. It was also Daniel's first time having a man shampoo his luscious locks and massage his scalp- something he didn't realize would make himself feel so uncomfortable. Anyhoo....

Homeboy was very, very hard to understand- the place is ran by a very hip group of Afganis, and we just are not used to their accent. Due to things being lost in translation, I almost left the shop with a head full of ringlets last time I was there. Daniel basically just nodded yes and smiled to any question asked of him, and just kept repeating "trim, please. TRIM. Please."

The stylist asked, "Essex style, yes."

And by the sheer grace of God, Daniel understood that part and goes " I don't know what Essex style is, but I do not want that."



Is it wrong for me to question God's mercy on Daniel? Because how awesome would he have looked with an essex style haircut? I can't even handle that idea.

So, to the stylist's disapproval, he just gave Daniel a trim.

Right as Daniel is starting to sigh in relief that he will leave this place unscathed, the stylist pulls his comb through Daniel's, uh, unkempt eyebrows and SHAVED THEM. AND THEN PROCEEDED TO SHAVE HIS EARS!!!! Daniel later accused me of keeping it a secret that he had hair growing out of his ears (I swear I never noticed it!). Daniel says he just sat there, mouth agape and seriously wondering if this was real life. 

Honestly, the brows needed to be tamed and I think they look great. I mean, Daniel DID Ask for a trim...he didn't clarify what, though! 

At this point, Daniel has accepted his fate. I kind of imagine our dog Dakota this one time we shaved her into a silly mess. At first she fought, but then she just stood there very still, with this blank stare in her eyes and a frown that looked a bit like white flags waving defeat.  Daniel wants to just get it over with, but the stylist insists on fixin' up Daniel's new 'do, promising that what he was about to do will change Daniel's life. It involved a lot of gel and shielding Daniel's eyes from a steady hairspray beam. 

Dear God I wish I had pictures of this moment, but imagine this: 




It was basically like 2001 threw up all over his head. 

To make matters even worse, Daniel didn't have cash and it was cash only. So he had to walk down the high street to the nearest ATM, holding his head down low, refusing to make eye contact with any neighbors,  and just praying that this wouldn't be the day that he finally ran in to Emma Watson (spike first, obviously). 

Upon Daniel paying, our beloved stylist kind of tilts his head and widens his eyes, asking" Are you very happy? Because I'm VERY happy" in this bizarre, smiley, do-you-want-to-grab-brunch-later voice. Daniel manages to mutter "Uh, yah" and practically runs into the glass door, high tailing it as fast as he can, all while trying to tame the spikes while half running all of the way home. 

It deserves to note that every time we pass the salon now, Daniel ducks or makes me walk between him and the place, in fear that our friend will chase us out with a can of hairspray and some eyebrow trimmers.





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